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More expats in China are using dating apps to diversify their social circles and romantic options. Photo: IC
It was 11 pm on a Saturday night, and Jeff, a European expat who has been living in Beijing for five years, was just back from a party where he met a lot of new people, both foreigners and Chinese. Still, though, he felt just a little bit empty, a little bit restless, and so he logged onto Tantan, a Chinese dating app similar to Tinder, that he has been using for the past year.
He started swiping through prospective partners' pictures and limited profiles, which include information like age, zodiac sign and occupation. Swiping left means you do not like the person, right means you do. Left, left, and then, 'Oh, this girl is pretty. She's got a nice smile,' he said to himself, and swiped right. It was a match, which meant the girl also liked him. 'Hi, how are you?' he typed.
According to Jeff's profile on Tantan, 5,166 girls have liked him over the past year, which translates to 5,166 chances to meet new girls online. In that time, he's achieved 1,196 matches, which meant that he and 1,196 girls liked each other.
Chinese dating apps have been seeing growing popularity among expats living in China, in part because many foreigners' social circles are largely limited to other expats, and these apps give them the chance to meet and date locals. Among the most popular apps, both for Chinese and foreign singles, are Tantan, Momo and Skouts.
Sun Yang, a public relations director from Momo, told Metropolitan that they have seen more expats using their dating app over the past few years, though they didn't have any statistics detailing their number of foreign users.
Another dating app, Tantan, didn't reply to Metropolitan's calls as of press date, but according to Metropolitan's count, it contains around one expat user for every 10 Chinese users in expat-heavy neighborhoods like Guomao and Sanlitun.
Milo Gonzales, a Beijing-based relationship counselor from the US, said that dating apps are a quicker and easier way to meet new people for expats.
'It gives people the opportunity to talk and communicate to see if they have the same interests, and if their general viewpoints click before they meet in person to see if they are right for each other,' he said.
Women from the West and from China generally take different approaches to dating when using dating apps in China. Photo: IC
Some believe that relationships that start through dating apps tend to be more shallow since users are more focused on appearances. Photo: IC
The good and bad of cross-cultural dating
What Jeff likes about dating apps is how easy it is to find and meet pretty local girls. In real life, many expats work so much that they have only limited time to socialize, and when they do, according to Jeff, they mostly hang out with other expats.
'Dating apps help break that invisible boundary between expats and locals,' he said.
That has indeed been the case for the two male expats who talked to Metropolitan, both of whom have noticed they are more popular on Chinese dating apps than they are on apps in their home countries.
A case in point is Bruce from the UK, who has only been using Tantan for one month but has already received 236 matches.
'In the UK, when I use Tinder, I usually get 20 to 30 matches tops, because there are fewer girls who swipe right for me than in China.'
Another difference, according to Bruce, is that in the UK, it is usually guys who start the conversation and do the work to try and impress and win over the girls.
'In China, I feel the girls are more keen to meet with me and impress me. Chinese girls don't have arrogance is the best way to explain it, I guess.'
In his experience, Chinese girls on Tantan usually start conversations by asking where he comes from and what he does in Beijing, before asking for his WeChat, and then if he wants to meet up.
'But I think it's too quick,' Bruce said. So far, he has met two girls through Tantan.
Andrew, a Brit in Beijing who's been using Chinese dating apps for five months, says he quickly discovered that while women in the West generally start out chatting about shared interests, Chinese women are more likely to ask about his job and future plans.
He recalls one Chinese girl who, after a single date, began planning their wedding and future together in China.
'I understand that in China, some girls are facing pressure to get married before a certain age, which drives them to want to get serious faster in relationships,' said Andrew.
Another source of culture shock for expats is unrealistic expectations.
Shim Bo-kyung (pseudonym), a 24-year-old student from South Korea, said he often gets the impression that his Chinese dates like to imagine him as being just as rich and handsome as the characters from South Korean TV series.
'Some of my online dates would call me Oppa (Korean for 'older brother,' a term of endearment sometimes used for boyfriends) in a coquettish way just like in South Korean TV series, even though they are older than me, which just freaks me out,' he said.
'Some of them also assume that I am rich, even though I am just a student who works part time,' he said.
Shim added that some Chinese girls have even asked if he comes from a wealthy family like in the famous South Korean TV series The Heirs.
Flings vs serious relationships
Although dating apps have made it easier to meet more people, the relationships formed are often short-lived and shallow, because they were based in the first place on little more than appearances.
'With dating apps, people check out one another's pictures very quickly, and if they think you're attractive, that's it,' Jeff said. 'Most don't even look at the information you've written down.'
Gonzales said that, according to his observations, most guys who use dating apps are more interested in casual relationships, because so many apps are geared at hooking up.
Other expats have different intentions, and use dating apps more to meet locals, learn the language and deepen their understanding of China.
Bruce, for example, wanted to make new friends and maybe find someone who wanted to learn English and could teach him Chinese at the same time. As a result, he met a 19-year-old student who wants to study in the UK, and they've been meeting up to do a language and culture exchange.
Erika, a 22-year-old student from South Korea, has similar intentions to Bruce.
'I'm not looking for the love of my life on dating apps. I use them more for the sake of having different experiences and expanding my world view. By meeting more people from different backgrounds and careers, I've learned a lot about interacting with different kinds of people. I've learned how to start and carry a conversation, to alleviate awkward tension and to listen to others' stories,' Erika said.
She said the best experiences are when you hit it off with someone, and end up talking endlessly.
She recalls one guy she met, who works at an IT company, with whom she had a great conversation about philosophy and life. He also expressed interest in making Korean friends, since his work and social environment is exclusively Chinese.
'I've been surprised to see how eager most people are to interact with foreigners; it's just that they usually have few chances to do so,' Erika said. 'I think Chinese guys are more willing to start conversations with expat girls on apps than they are in real life.'
If you are a foreigner interested in Korean culture, history, language, or music it's a logical step to look for a relationship with someone from the culture you so admire. However, if you're not of Korean descent you may find it difficult to break into the Korean dating scene. Koreans are known for somtimes being averse to relationships (especially romantic ones) with non-Koreans.
As we'll see later in this article, the majority of the most popular dating apps in South Korea are made by Koreans for Koreans. Some well known western apps have found their way into the country, but they are usually more popular with foreigners living in Korea than with actual Koreans.
This makes online dating a bit difficult for a waeguk-saram. Native apps are usually only available in the Korean language, and there's even been reports that many will even kick you off the platform if you're not Korean.
However, if you're a non-Korean the deck isn't completely stacked against you. There are some online options for foreigners who want to connect with Koreans in South Korea.
In this article we'll share a top pick for foreigners looking to connect with Koreans in South Korea. We'll also include some other dating apps which are either more common with foreigners or generally exclusive to native Koreans.
Enjoy!
Korean Cupid
Korean Cupid is the largest site focused on connecting foreigners and native Koreans for the hope of a romantic relationship. The site is owned in operated by Cupid Media, an Australian based company.
Cupid Media operates over 30 different niche dating sites. They use a combination of automated systems and user reporting to help curb spammers and scammers on their site. The site isn't 100% foolproof (no dating site is). Feel free to use the site safely, but as always watch for any warning signs.
'Korean Cupid is a very popular dating site in South Korea, and it’s hands down one of the best Korean dating sites in existence.
You’ll find plenty of real local women hoping to meet a foreign gentleman.
If you don’t mind hopping on a plane to meet the woman of your dreams, Korean Cupid is definitely worth a try.'
The profiles on Korean Cupid are what you would expect from any honest dating site. User profiles are often times very appealing, but other times not. It's not all that different from what you would expect in a real world dating environment (which is a good sign if you're looking for a serious relationship).
Again, this is the largest site specifically aimed at connecting foreigners with women in South Korea. If you're serious about finding a relationship with a Korean woman through a dating site, Korean Cupid is probably going to be your first and foremost choice.
The AMANDA app is the most popular dating app in South Korea
The AMANDA dating app gets its name from a Korean acronym about meeting new people. AMANDA is the most popular dating app in South Korea. When you upload your profile on the app you are rated by other users on your appearance. If you get a sufficient rating you are allowed to use the app. If you don't, you're rejected and have to try again (usually with a better photo).
Once you're on the app you are free to 'like' other people's profiles. If another person likes you back the app will allow you to message each other.
Even though AMANDA is the largest dating app in South Korea that doesn't mean it's an easy way for foreigners to meet local Koreans. The app is entirely in Korean, so if you don't know the language good luck with navigating your way through the app. It's also rumored that foreigners have been knocked off the app for not being Korean.
The concept behind Noon Date is pretty straight forward: everyday at noon you are shown two user profiles. If you and one of those two users both 'like' each other on the app you will be free to message one another.
Much like AMANDA using Noon Date could be a long shot if you're a non-Korean. The app isn't in English, and you may encounter some online stigma for being a foreigner.
The most popular dating app in the West hasn't quite caught on in South Korea. While many young Koreans may know the app or at least its name, by and large Koreans tend to opt for other Korean apps like AMANDA.
There's a bit of local apprehension toward foreign dating apps, mostly because Koreans feel that Korean dating apps are more secure and reputable.
If your goal is simply to date IN South Korea, and not necessarily date Koreans, you are liable to find a lot of foreigners on the app in and around Seoul. But who knows, you may also be able to connect with a local. No harm in trying!
It's also important to point out that unless you're physically in South Korea you'll need to pay in order to search Tinder for users not near your locale.
Dating is hard, whether you go out with someone across the street or across the globe. If you're a foreigner and your heart is calling you to Korea there are some online options for making genuine romantic connections.
If you don't know the local language then Korean Cupid is your best bet. If you are proficient in Korean you can try your luck with some of the more popular dating apps in the country (bonus points if you look Asian).
All the sites mentioned in this article allow users to create some sort of free account and at least try the app out. If you're on the fence about any of them I recommend checking the site out for yourself to see if it's right for you.